Companionship

Find a way, Lord.

"Summer"

Small group (really was somewhat of a 'small' group) fed today. Actually this day was quite interesting, beginning with my alarm clock going off

My only hope is the Lord, everything depends on Him.

A lot of times, when I hear that, I feel hopeless. Ironic, isn't it? And today, I felt pretty hopeless. Come small group, I wasn't in a happy state of mind, but it's interesting how when other people share their experiences, the human and the divine, it encourages me. Something echoes inside, and though I may not have the boldness to verbalize, it's as if they've said it for me. We sang a new song, that most of us didn't know at least ..

Why does it take us so long to see God?
is the first line. or something like that.

Yeah, why? I think I feel hopeless because I don't see the God in whom all my hope is. He is the faithful Creator. Lord, help my unbelief !

Thank You Lord, in Your eyes we find grace

Magy's leaving to Mexico City. I am surprisingly happy for her. :)

It's been a long week and my shoulders are in need of a massage!!! haha.. yeah.. hint..hint..

Type humor.

"How many INFPs does it take to change a light bulb?

A: I think it only takes one, but the question is how long will the task be put off? After all, do I really *need* that light bulb? Think of all the possibilities in working around the need for that light bulb! And then, when the impossibility of the possibilities is too obvious to pretend not to see, the bulb gets changed.

A: ...come to think of it, I need to change a light bulb ...the one on my front porch, so its a pretty important one ...its been that way for, oh, a while now ...

A: How many INFP's does it take to change a light bulb? Apparently, this whole listfull, to listen to me ramble about my need to change my light bulb and give me encouragment and support to reassure me that eventually I'll "find my inner light bulb" and it will all be OK!

A: The light bulb doesn't need to change! Just because it's different from other light bulbs, doesn't mean that it isn't just as good... besides it may hurt its feelings...

A: Why change it, it might just be exploring its shadow side.

A: Some possible answers:
1. Never get around to changing it at all, because hey, next time you're in a bad mood and walk under it, it will go out again anyway.
2. The light bulb isn't really burnt out; its just you.
3. How many does it take? I'll tell you later when I feel sure I've got the right answer.
4. I couldn't think of a fourth good answer, but figured there should be at least four options

A: What light bulb?"

I'm fully satisfied now

Jesus, Jesus, is my life!

guess what

i bought today. it's green....
it has lots of pages in it..
and it was 50% off at papyrus!!!

..yeah.. i know. another one? but esther.. you haven't even finished the one you started.

i guess there are some times when being around kids is relaxing.. it makes me feel like i'm in a bubble, and the only people i have eyes for are the little kids because it's a whole 'nother perspective.. you look at things differently.. the squares on the floor become the water, and the couch becomes the boat. and maybe it's true, that i don't like to play with them as much as they like to play with me.. but who can resist a little kid running after you and wanting to give you hugs? it's kind of hard. speaking of which. i miss spencer.

it's been a hard week, for multiple reasons.

Strange Conversations

and coincidences in odd places.

I can't say that I understand.

I think my default state is "confused".

Uber-sensitive

><;;

-_-

zZzZz..
i really should be sleeping. i'm so tired after my first week.
small group was watering though..
drinking at the Fountain that never runs dry.
my brain is so tired, it feels like mush. can it be, that summer feels busier than the school year? i guess that part never ends. i feel like a very complicated web of strange unfitting atypical emotions which bear no real weight. don't know how else to describe. it's like other people know better than myself. sometimes i wish i knew, because then maybe i'd be smarter about things. but the thing is, i probably wouldn't be, even if i did know. it probably wouldn't change the way that i act out of habit at all. i hope i don't need glasses by the end of these three months.. though it seems like that may be a possibility. it's weird when things change and others' thoughts change along with yours, and you're kinda like, really, you think so too, i thought it was just all in my head? And part of you is like, so I wasn't imagining it, i'm not crazy. And the other part of you is like, but I was hoping it was in my imagination.
i realized i have a hard time around people that are needy as opposed to really independent, maybe because i am so used to being the one who sort of just gets taken care of in a group of friends. and sometimes it's like, questions come, and i don't know how to respond. because i don't like responsibility, i guess. i don't like feeling that maybe i'm the reason someone ends up in a bad place. and then you get the blame too. at the same time, who said they had to listen? yeah, but still. that's enough mush for the day.

Lord I need You more today..

Than yesterday.....

Do you know your musical B's?

Beethoven, Bach,
don't forget Brahms please!

Summer trip. So long. Got back yesterday.

Word got around that I:
1) stuffed my face at Hot Pot City (not altogether true. I think I just eat slow.)
2) whined about being tired while kayaking, thus letting Ling do most of the work (true.)

Spent a lot of time with the kids. As a result, am starting to sound a little like Kariss..

Anyway, the trip. Ups, downs, all arounds. The short version is this. Blending with the believers up and down the coast was definitely refreshing. It seemed like enjoying the Lord had more newness to it.
Hallelujah, Praise the Lord, we're here within the church, the ark

Tomorrow is a new day and work begins.

Oh Lord Jesus..

I need Him soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
much.

It's so impossible for me to live the Christian life.
But I'm encouraged that there's a Person in my spirit now,
born as a babe, so small so weak so low, who by the Word's pure milk will grow to be
the overcoming inner man in me to gain my heart


I'm in Vancouver. No cellphone, no real connection to the States, and im only online cause hospitality has a laptop and i felt okay asking to use it since Sarah used it yesterday. it's pretty here, but rainy. the trip overall is good.. good experience. umm.. yeah. not much to say right now.. just at this point where i feel like.. i fail the Lord over and over and over and He is so faithful to forgive over and over and over.. His love is unlimited. At the same time though, i am also like.. Lord i can't be ashamed of you now , but at this point, it seems like i always don't want to feel like a fool in front of people .. even other believers. anyway. kind of rambling right now. forgetting and pursuing. the prayer mtg was enjoyable praying for the yp and serving ones.. exercising to pray in general.. it's true you have to push out a lot of times.. at least i feel that way.
anyway. it's kind of late.. tomorrow is another day.