-_-

zZzZz..
i really should be sleeping. i'm so tired after my first week.
small group was watering though..
drinking at the Fountain that never runs dry.
my brain is so tired, it feels like mush. can it be, that summer feels busier than the school year? i guess that part never ends. i feel like a very complicated web of strange unfitting atypical emotions which bear no real weight. don't know how else to describe. it's like other people know better than myself. sometimes i wish i knew, because then maybe i'd be smarter about things. but the thing is, i probably wouldn't be, even if i did know. it probably wouldn't change the way that i act out of habit at all. i hope i don't need glasses by the end of these three months.. though it seems like that may be a possibility. it's weird when things change and others' thoughts change along with yours, and you're kinda like, really, you think so too, i thought it was just all in my head? And part of you is like, so I wasn't imagining it, i'm not crazy. And the other part of you is like, but I was hoping it was in my imagination.
i realized i have a hard time around people that are needy as opposed to really independent, maybe because i am so used to being the one who sort of just gets taken care of in a group of friends. and sometimes it's like, questions come, and i don't know how to respond. because i don't like responsibility, i guess. i don't like feeling that maybe i'm the reason someone ends up in a bad place. and then you get the blame too. at the same time, who said they had to listen? yeah, but still. that's enough mush for the day.