Bittersweetness.

It's not what I imagined it to be. Not to be dramatic, but I feel as if things taken for granted as secure are collapsing around me, and I'm paralyzed, wishing that I had a lack of feeling to match my lack of action. Sometimes what I tolerate in myself, hurts me a lot more when I see it outside of me. Worry, sickness, disorder, confusion, conflict... For some reason.. it's easier to trust that I will get through certain things.. maybe because I think that I can depend on outside sources.. and things always work out okay. but when it comes to someone else.. I feel like I'm standing here watching it go by anxiously, unsure of what action to do and producing initially sadness and later frustration and annoyance instead. It reminds me of something Henna once told me.. "what if the Lord takes care of you by taking care of them?" .. I don't know.