Confused?

I don't understand myself. I can't figure out anything, what I like, what I don't like, what's boring and what's fun, what I want to do, how I feel, what I'm even feeling a certain way about, what it's directed towards, this sentence could go on and on about all the things I'm indecisive about.. not really indecisive, its more like.. I just don't know, so therefore I am indecisive. It's like when some general emotion comes along, I'm like.. why?? Most people can say they're happy for a certain reason, sad for a certain reason, but I'm the person who you'll find crying and won't be able to tell you what's wrong... or the opposite. It always feels like there's not enough information to say what's really going on. (Psych has definitely brainwashed me.) Somehow words can never adequately express whatever is really going on and so I find myself at a loss of words. That and I can't even figure out what's going on anyway. (and lately the weather has been so bipolar and consequently so have i) Am I kidding, am I not kidding? Is this just a defense mechanism? Like, what? Who is that aware of themselves? Geez. Yeah, I'm sure everyone is kind of like .. Esther get over it, but it's really annoying to not understand what anything means. It makes me feel kind of apart from myself. Weird..? So basically none of this makes sense and that's why it's in a huge gigantic paragraph and not organized at all. I guess this can serve as my warmup to the introductory I'm supposed to write for linguistics. Sigh.. I don't know. So I guess I realize a little more now how much I trust in my feelings to judge things and just how stupid that is because they are bipolar like Berkeley weather.

well..

to end on a brighter note..

shuffle ended on..

in the universe He is like an immense magnet.. drawing all His seekers to Him..
Lord.. I love You. I don't know how I can even say that.. but.. yeah. What is love anyway? yeah yeah yeah. I can't say anything without wondering what it really means. But that's okay. Lord, I love You! He is so good to me and I don't understand why. How can anyone be that patient? A bruised reed He will not break.