As my hair dries.

Today was the start of the training on 1 Peter, 2 Peter, and Jude. I really enjoyed the first meeting and started to fidget in the second. The first was on God's government, and the second on God's economy. The two can't be separated, and we have to see God's government in light of God's economy.

With that much said, I can say that while there's so much the Lord needs to reveal to me concerning His economy, I still needed to hear the word that was spoken tonight. It was so strange to me actually, to hear about God's governmental dealing with us i.e. God's discipline, and be amen-ing inside. I think if I had heard this word at some other time, my reaction would probably have been different. I'm starting to realize more that this is really God's love toward us, that He would not let us go, that He would deal with us in this age.

Being humbled, and casting our anxiety on Him, were the two points that stuck out to me tonight. And how the devil is like a lion seeking someone to devour, esp the pride and the anxious make good food for him, one who is independent of others and one who is independent of God. It was as if he summed up who I was.. am. I saw my mom during break time and she asked me how I was. And she even brought that point up. We can commit our souls to God.. He is the Shepherd and Overseer of our souls. He is our Father who disciplines His children whom He loves. And all of this is for more dispensing.. so that God can be expressed in us, that is for His glory.

I was so touched that the Lord Jesus, when He died on the cross, was judged and became as nothing, He even said "Father forgive them" to those who were crucifying Him. My eyes kind of teared when the speaking brother said that. The Lord Jesus is so lovely.. I need to see this. We love because He first loved us.

Yesterday after feeling not at rest slash anxious over my own self consciousness and insecurity, I prayed with Susan .. At first I was thinking in my head.. what kind of prayers are going to come out of this? I don't want to just pray religious prayers and yet I did not feel as if I could pray. So I didn't say that, but.. the first thing out of her mouth was "Lord, wash us". I was reminded that the Lord died for us.. to wash us. What else did I need besides His precious blood? To come just as we were. after that.. our praying somehow watered me and we were full of thanks towards the Lord.

God does all things well.