Sitting there

And in my head I'm thinking.. as I'm looking at the pyramid of someone's psychological breakdown of human needs. And as I'm looking I'm thinking. Lord. You. And I'm thinking, Lord.. what's the purpose of human life? Is it just this.. is it just that? I know it's more than .. I almost said, can ever know, but that's not true since.. we can know what is unknowable. (I don't get it, but I know it's true :P) Anyway. it's more than what I see now. I don't see much, and I think a brother's sharing hit it on the nose. Pride, yes? A hollow one, at that. It's just one of those things you use to save yourself from your inferiority complex. Doesn't work too well. Even as I'm typing this, my head is beginning to hurt. A lot of times, when I start to say certain things, my head will start to hurt. It's like .. is it to keep me from thinking so highly of myself? I'm starting to wonder what the meaning of all this is. I know I'm not supposed to 'complain' or whatever, but anyway. Really, it is hard to live with this thing that creeps up at just the sarcastic right /sarcastic times. it makes me want the numb feeling that i get from just being dead. or not dead. i don't even know. It's all confusing and maybe the correlation is less than I thought and this is all in my head. Whatever it is... in the end, I just want to be simplified. I get anxious over being anxious. LoL. It's like I'll think I want one thing and then my brain goes on overkill and is like no, that's not right. Right. Why am I so stuck on that? "Everything's the best that it can be, so let's gain Christ". This line jumped out at me yesterday. Everything. Everything?! is the best that it can be. Really? so, so what? SO let's gain Christ. so let's GAIN Christ. so LETS gain Christ. so lets gain CHRIST!

Ok, enough circles for the day. I never mean to write as much as I end up writing and Emmeline's essay is awaiting me.