Grinding.

There I am in the morning, sleeping, grinding my teeth unconsciously in a state of I-don't-know-what. Poor Lina. Frankly, I need teeth guards, but more frankly, I want to say that I have some case of SAD, sad as in, social anxiety disorder, not sad as in boo-hoo sad. And that it comes out in my sleep. Or lack thereof? Just kidding. I do sleep.

I miss home and high school circles of friends. I know it's ridiculous, college is supposed to be where you move on to bigger and better things. It's just that I like comfort. I don't like feeling self-conscious, annoying, whatever other odd things I project on myself. Is it possible? I remember being much more confident then. Grace posted old pictures, some as old as junior high. And honestly, I look exactly the same. Exactly. Yeah, let's all point and laugh. I talked to Alan today and he said I've changed. What's that supposed to mean? I, in my pessimism, automatically think that he means in a bad way. He, in his ambiguity and esoteric-ness, successfully averts the repeated questionings and changes the subject. To what, I can't recall. What I do recall is then telling Grace, and her response, that maybe it's not good or bad. Oh, right, not everything is good or bad.

Carolina's laughing at me and Emmeline right now. I could hypercorrect and say Emme and I. Linguistics. Maybe it's Berkeley in general that makes me feel so, to bring back a loaded question answer to how hip are you on a scale of one to ten, negative pi. Emmeline on the other hand, definitely has a superiority complex, rating herself 13 point.. something, on a scale from 1-10. Everyone else knows how to follow directions. Go figure.

I miss home! Lately it's come to my attention that I am so lucky to have the family that I have. So I told my mom about how I feel here, which I forget what I said, and she said something about how it makes us more desperate to .. something about needing the Lord. Yeah. Which reminds me, I need to call her. I suck at keeping in touch with people now. I used to be so good about it, but this year, the expensive stamps are sitting in my drawer untouched.

I'm only blogging because Emmeline just recently made one. I never mean to write this much but it always ends up being like this. Yeah.

So a lot of times I'll be around people and I just feel, in general, bad. I don't know, it's like I have wall issues slash trust issues and that hasn't happened before and it's hard and annoying and tiresome. I guess I could psychoanalyze myself and try to figure out why, but I have a feeling that if I did that, I wouldn't be able to solve it, like Emmeline's new toy, the Rubik's cube. After the first layer it's shot.

So what? So I just wanted to ramble, without thinking about what I should do or what I shouldn't do, because that gives me a headache to think about. I'm already getting one just saying that.

So. I guess I can't say too much on here. I hate wondering.

Lord, here I am. Umm. Yeah. Most obviously, I need to see :P